Not the Only One Looking for the Italian Charm!

And if you are thinking that my perception is in any way biased, here are a few instances from Canadians, North Americans and Italians, just backing my appeal:

-          In Rome, one day while having breakfast, since there were no free tables, I shared my table with a Canadian family, including two sisters in their twenties. We chatted, shared info, and stayed in touch. They were going on a cruise. Their verdict on Italians, post-vacation: “We can’t believe how pushy they are!  They are not even a bit more tactful outside of their country. They are aggressive compared to Greeks!” (and to me, humble blog-author, knowing Greek and Italians, this is quite a BOLD statement!).

-          I shared some of the anecdotes with a very good male friend of mine in the US, 100% North American boy, charming-cool-and-classy American young man. His verdict:  “Definitely you don’t want to be out at night alone if they are so creepy. You gotta work with them on the ice-breakers. These European guys have no game!”  I, humble blog-author, was surprised by his fast yet accurate conclusion. My friend -maybe since he is a true Master in the fascinating art of enchanting- managed to immediately identify the root of my frustration: there is no game, there is no playing, they make the game so massive and vulgar that it becomes the opposite of what it is meant to be: a turn off and displeasure!

-          A 40-year old gorgeous woman from Bologna, who I met at a dinner-party at her in-laws’ home in Sant’Agnello, Sorrento; married, one kid, however did not look happy with life. We were a group of about a dozen people in their 30s and 40s- and I was the only foreigner. When they learnt I am on a sabbatical and started asking about my romantic status and my sabbatical plans, they immediately started making suggestions for my lack of plans, guys being top-participants: get an Italian boyfriend! To what this gorgeous woman immediately jumped in seemingly jerk reaction: “NO! Italians, NO! No Italian men!” I found this to be a powerful statement, particularly coming from an Italian woman, married to an Italian man.  Maybe that’s one of the causes of the shadow of discontent on her face?

Where is the Italian (male) charm gone?

When I told my friends that I was going to Italy, they were mostly jealous for several reasons: some were –like me- very platonically romantic with the country and culture, others were jealous for the hedonistic aspects (mainly shopping, art, views, food and wines), and the single ones, for the men!

I would say, however, that Italian men are for women what ‘shallow pretty women’ are for men. They seem charming, but what they are, is: generous in giving compliments (regardless of fairness/appropriateness), and bold in making invitations. However, how interesting is this when they are showering compliments to almost every female and making their heads ‘revolving’ to check out almost every female? And if they are fast in making an invitation to me, they might as well be with someone else.

When I listen at the airport to the first few “Ciao Bella!”,  I smile. After a few days of being in Rome, “ciao bella” has become less than a “hey”.  What sounded unique and enchanting (just as a side-effect of coming from a different culture and idiosyncrasy) has become massive, vulgar, anything but special and charming.

When you perceive being checked-out by some attractive Italian on the street, you immediately think –particularly coming from Saxon countries- “I am real! I am NOT invisible!” After seeing almost every man running MRIs of almost every woman, you start despising them when the next pair of eyes poses on you.

Believe it or not, I came to these conclusions just being a city-hiker and observer, and later on, observing the men in my family and their friends. Although I had a couple of experiences that make a good story (because they do not make a good experience), I will have to leave them for upcoming postings…!

Welcome to Italia: Mission Accomplished

If you are wondering how the story ended, I will save you time and energy: I never heard from Roberto, the customs officer. The truth is that I was so excited with my own discovery of Rome, my reconnecting with loved ones, that I only realized I had not heard from him once a friend who knew the story asked me. However, he was my first welcome greet in Italy. His mission? Make me feel happy to be in Italy, feel excited about opportunities and just about life. He was my instant lift-me up, coming from a deeply sad and unwilling departure from the US. He was my bucket of ice-cold water: hey, this is Italia! Wake up! Live! YOU are in Italy!

I was then thinking how the human mind and perception works… what if this would have happened in my home-country, Argentina? I’d probably be mad as hell: this guy was trying to pick ME up!

What if this would have happened in the US? The same thing, particularly because we all know how stiff Customs became in the last ten years. Probably I would have got even madder than anywhere else, because they know that probably they have the most power. Is there any other country in the world right now where any simple good, lawful citizen of a peaceful country, is treated as guilty until the opposite is demonstrated?

However, Europe is different, and Italy, well, we know how Italians are… it is in their blood, in their genes. So actually –in relative terms- this Customs officer was very tactful, kind and natural in the way he approached me. Most importantly: his mission in my life –even if brief- was accomplished!

Welcome to Italia

I was quite sad for leaving the US. My stomach was closed as a tight fist, my heart was begging to stay and apparently not in-synch with what my mind had been deciding and planning for the past month or so. Suddenly there was a vast abyss, an unbearable vacuum. Even when I was going to spend time with my loved ones who I had not seen in a while, and even when I was going to one of my favourite destinations –where I had not been in 4-5 years: Italia! It seemed that my heart and gut were partnering in revolution.

I am a believer in that things happen because of a reason. Included in “things happen” are people that show up in our lives. I believe they all show up with a mission. If and when their mission is accomplished, they might disappear.

After relatively smooth flights, I was finally at Rome’s Fiumiccino Airport. I was in line for Customs. An agent called me to his booth. And just like that, what started as a formal dialogue at any Customs booth (though not as stiff as in the US!) ended up in…

- Good morning! (when he saw my Canadian passport)
- Buon Giorno –I replied.
- Ah, sei Argentina?!
- Si.
- How much time will you stay in Italy?
- About 2 months. I am coming to see family.
- Ah, yes? Where are they?
- In Sorrento.
- No way! That’s where I am from! I am actually going to Sorrento on August 12th.
- No way! I am going on that same day! I am spending a few days in Rome first.
- Do you have a phone number?
- No. I don’t have a cell phone yet.
- How can I contact you?

A line was starting to form and the Customs officer was looking at the line.

- By e-mail. I can give it to you.
- OK, step aside and write it for me please.

And so I did.

Why the “Extra” blog?

Extra because it will touch upon topics that are not covered on the other blog: on additional, further, supplementary topics. The spin can change, depending on the setting and circumstances of events and on my mindset: practical, spiritual/philosophical, funny.

Extra because it is catered to women who are extra in what they do and how they are: they are extra courageous, they are extra intelligent, they are extra open and receiving (in their minds, hearts and spirits), they are extra resilient no matter the adversities they face in life, they are extra generous in their time and spirit, they are extra grounded.

Extra, because it is the answer to that woman who thinks is navigating the storms and rough seas alone: hey, there is at least one extra sailor on your boat!

Extra because this is what all these ‘extra’ women harvest: extra fruits.



“Extra: additional, further, added, in addition, more.”
Source: Wikipedia.com