Not the Only One Looking for the Italian Charm!

And if you are thinking that my perception is in any way biased, here are a few instances from Canadians, North Americans and Italians, just backing my appeal:

-          In Rome, one day while having breakfast, since there were no free tables, I shared my table with a Canadian family, including two sisters in their twenties. We chatted, shared info, and stayed in touch. They were going on a cruise. Their verdict on Italians, post-vacation: “We can’t believe how pushy they are!  They are not even a bit more tactful outside of their country. They are aggressive compared to Greeks!” (and to me, humble blog-author, knowing Greek and Italians, this is quite a BOLD statement!).

-          I shared some of the anecdotes with a very good male friend of mine in the US, 100% North American boy, charming-cool-and-classy American young man. His verdict:  “Definitely you don’t want to be out at night alone if they are so creepy. You gotta work with them on the ice-breakers. These European guys have no game!”  I, humble blog-author, was surprised by his fast yet accurate conclusion. My friend -maybe since he is a true Master in the fascinating art of enchanting- managed to immediately identify the root of my frustration: there is no game, there is no playing, they make the game so massive and vulgar that it becomes the opposite of what it is meant to be: a turn off and displeasure!

-          A 40-year old gorgeous woman from Bologna, who I met at a dinner-party at her in-laws’ home in Sant’Agnello, Sorrento; married, one kid, however did not look happy with life. We were a group of about a dozen people in their 30s and 40s- and I was the only foreigner. When they learnt I am on a sabbatical and started asking about my romantic status and my sabbatical plans, they immediately started making suggestions for my lack of plans, guys being top-participants: get an Italian boyfriend! To what this gorgeous woman immediately jumped in seemingly jerk reaction: “NO! Italians, NO! No Italian men!” I found this to be a powerful statement, particularly coming from an Italian woman, married to an Italian man.  Maybe that’s one of the causes of the shadow of discontent on her face?

Where is the Italian (male) charm gone?

When I told my friends that I was going to Italy, they were mostly jealous for several reasons: some were –like me- very platonically romantic with the country and culture, others were jealous for the hedonistic aspects (mainly shopping, art, views, food and wines), and the single ones, for the men!

I would say, however, that Italian men are for women what ‘shallow pretty women’ are for men. They seem charming, but what they are, is: generous in giving compliments (regardless of fairness/appropriateness), and bold in making invitations. However, how interesting is this when they are showering compliments to almost every female and making their heads ‘revolving’ to check out almost every female? And if they are fast in making an invitation to me, they might as well be with someone else.

When I listen at the airport to the first few “Ciao Bella!”,  I smile. After a few days of being in Rome, “ciao bella” has become less than a “hey”.  What sounded unique and enchanting (just as a side-effect of coming from a different culture and idiosyncrasy) has become massive, vulgar, anything but special and charming.

When you perceive being checked-out by some attractive Italian on the street, you immediately think –particularly coming from Saxon countries- “I am real! I am NOT invisible!” After seeing almost every man running MRIs of almost every woman, you start despising them when the next pair of eyes poses on you.

Believe it or not, I came to these conclusions just being a city-hiker and observer, and later on, observing the men in my family and their friends. Although I had a couple of experiences that make a good story (because they do not make a good experience), I will have to leave them for upcoming postings…!

Welcome to Italia: Mission Accomplished

If you are wondering how the story ended, I will save you time and energy: I never heard from Roberto, the customs officer. The truth is that I was so excited with my own discovery of Rome, my reconnecting with loved ones, that I only realized I had not heard from him once a friend who knew the story asked me. However, he was my first welcome greet in Italy. His mission? Make me feel happy to be in Italy, feel excited about opportunities and just about life. He was my instant lift-me up, coming from a deeply sad and unwilling departure from the US. He was my bucket of ice-cold water: hey, this is Italia! Wake up! Live! YOU are in Italy!

I was then thinking how the human mind and perception works… what if this would have happened in my home-country, Argentina? I’d probably be mad as hell: this guy was trying to pick ME up!

What if this would have happened in the US? The same thing, particularly because we all know how stiff Customs became in the last ten years. Probably I would have got even madder than anywhere else, because they know that probably they have the most power. Is there any other country in the world right now where any simple good, lawful citizen of a peaceful country, is treated as guilty until the opposite is demonstrated?

However, Europe is different, and Italy, well, we know how Italians are… it is in their blood, in their genes. So actually –in relative terms- this Customs officer was very tactful, kind and natural in the way he approached me. Most importantly: his mission in my life –even if brief- was accomplished!

Welcome to Italia

I was quite sad for leaving the US. My stomach was closed as a tight fist, my heart was begging to stay and apparently not in-synch with what my mind had been deciding and planning for the past month or so. Suddenly there was a vast abyss, an unbearable vacuum. Even when I was going to spend time with my loved ones who I had not seen in a while, and even when I was going to one of my favourite destinations –where I had not been in 4-5 years: Italia! It seemed that my heart and gut were partnering in revolution.

I am a believer in that things happen because of a reason. Included in “things happen” are people that show up in our lives. I believe they all show up with a mission. If and when their mission is accomplished, they might disappear.

After relatively smooth flights, I was finally at Rome’s Fiumiccino Airport. I was in line for Customs. An agent called me to his booth. And just like that, what started as a formal dialogue at any Customs booth (though not as stiff as in the US!) ended up in…

- Good morning! (when he saw my Canadian passport)
- Buon Giorno –I replied.
- Ah, sei Argentina?!
- Si.
- How much time will you stay in Italy?
- About 2 months. I am coming to see family.
- Ah, yes? Where are they?
- In Sorrento.
- No way! That’s where I am from! I am actually going to Sorrento on August 12th.
- No way! I am going on that same day! I am spending a few days in Rome first.
- Do you have a phone number?
- No. I don’t have a cell phone yet.
- How can I contact you?

A line was starting to form and the Customs officer was looking at the line.

- By e-mail. I can give it to you.
- OK, step aside and write it for me please.

And so I did.

Why the “Extra” blog?

Extra because it will touch upon topics that are not covered on the other blog: on additional, further, supplementary topics. The spin can change, depending on the setting and circumstances of events and on my mindset: practical, spiritual/philosophical, funny.

Extra because it is catered to women who are extra in what they do and how they are: they are extra courageous, they are extra intelligent, they are extra open and receiving (in their minds, hearts and spirits), they are extra resilient no matter the adversities they face in life, they are extra generous in their time and spirit, they are extra grounded.

Extra, because it is the answer to that woman who thinks is navigating the storms and rough seas alone: hey, there is at least one extra sailor on your boat!

Extra because this is what all these ‘extra’ women harvest: extra fruits.



“Extra: additional, further, added, in addition, more.”
Source: Wikipedia.com

Welcome to the Extra Blog!

Este es un blog, que al igual que mi otro blog, surgió por conversaciones con amigas. En mi primer blog, estaba determinada a no mezclar tantos, a no revelar cuestiones privadas o que simplemente no quería compartir en ese espacio. Aquel blog nació como una pizarra para compartir experiencias únicas y diferentes de un largo viaje… viaje físico y sobre todo, viaje interior. otro


This is a blog which just as my other blog, was born from conversations with my friends. In my first blog, I was determined not to mix topics, not to reveal private issues or issues that I simply did not want to share in that space. That blog was born as a board where to share unique and different experiences of a long trip… a physical trip, but above all, an internal trip.

En el ínterin de ese viaje, fueron ocurriendo cosas en el ámbito de las relaciones –en especial hombre-mujer- que no quería compartir en mi blog inicial, y que tampoco respondían al mantra de su creación y existencia. Si…. ese misterio que nos hace respirar, sonreír, llorar, palpitar, emocionarnos, soñar, despertarnos de pesadillas, gozar, sufrir, leer mil libros y artículos prometedores, hablar con nuestras mas confidentes, y aun así, el misterio sigue misterio. Y justo cuando pensábamos que la teníamos clara, ahora sí, aparece alguien que confirma la excepción a la regla, o que no existe ninguna regla, regresándonos a nuestra humilde instancia de continua exploración. Y el misterio se perpetúa. En mayor o menor grado, por mayor o menor lapso de tiempo.

During that trip, many things were happening in the relationships arena –particularly man-woman- and I did not want to share them in my original b log, nor were they responding to its birth and existence mantra. Yes, that mystery that makes us breath, smile, cry, palpitate, get excited, dream, wake up from nightmares, enjoy, suffer, read a thousand promising articles and books, talk with our most confidants, and still, the mystery remains mystery. And just when we thought we had a grip on it, now yes, someone shows up confirming the exception to the rule, or the fact that there are no rules, returning us to our humble stance of continuous exploration. And the mystery perpetuates itself. In more or less degree, for a longer or shorter period of time.


Después de muchas largas charlas y largos emails con amigas (independientemente de su estado civil y de nuestras respectivas edades) sobre estas cuestiones, concluíamos con que:

(1) Estamos en el mismo barco en tantas cosas, solo que siempre pensamos que somos navegantes solitarias por el mundo, que somos las únicas en tal o cual situación. Hasta que nos abrimos a alguna buena amiga, y ahí nos damos cuenta que hay varias más en ese barco!

(2) Esto tiene que ir a un blog! Sí, pero no a este! (refiriéndose a mi primer blog)


After many long chats and longer emails with my friends (regardless of our civil state and respective ages) on these issues, we would conclude that:


(1) We are on the same boat in so many aspects, just that we think that we are lonely sailors around the world, that we are the only ones in this or that situation. Until we open up to some good friend, and only then we realize that there are several others on board!


(2) This MUST go to a blog! Definitely, though not this one! (referring to my first blog)

Así que mis queridas, amigas o anónimas lectoras, leales seguidoras o accidentales transeúntes, bienvenidas a un foro donde espero que podamos compartir experiencias y reflexiones. De alguna manera, sigo con ciertos lineamientos de mi blog inicial: esto no es un ‘diario’ –ni en cuanto a detalles, ni en cuanto a frecuencia. Habrán posteos cuando hayan experiencias o reflexiones dignas de compartir. Mi criterio para determinar si es ‘digno de compartir’, es si se trata de una experiencia que puede ser útil a otros (ya sea inspiradora, o ya sea ahorra-dolor-futuro). Reflexiones pueden ser sobre experiencias personales, o experiencias ajenas que me provocan cuestionamientos o me invitan a ver el mundo de otra manera… y quizás a Uds. también, o quizás Uds. me ayudan en las respuestas. Y por último, habrán experiencias y reflexiones que tan solo valgan la pena compartir porque han generado alguna sonrisa… si bien no soy humorista, suelo tener épocas de imán para situaciones que a otros les saca una sonrisa, o incluso una carcajada… y si tan solo esto ocurre, entonces, mi misión está cumplida. Bienvenidas al nacimiento del blog donde todas aquellos eventos hasta ahora silenciados, tendrán voz!

So my dear friends or anonymous readers, loyal followers or accidental by-passers, welcome to a forum where I hope we can share experiences and insights. In some way, I will stick to the lines of my initial blog: this is not a journal –neither in terms of details, nor in terms of frequency. There will be postings when there are experiences or reflections worth sharing. My criterion for determining if it is ‘worth sharing’ is if it is an experience that might be useful to others (either inspiring or future-pain-saver). Insights can be on personal experiences, or on others’ experiences that provoke me to question or rethink certain things, or to see the world in a different way… and maybe to you as well, or maybe you help me in getting answers. And lastly, there will be experiences or insights that will be worth sharing only because they had stolen some smile from someone else… although I am not a humorist, I have certain periods in my life where I seem to have a magnet for situations that make others smile, or even laugh… and even if only this occurs, then my mission is accomplished. Welcome to the birth of the blog where all those silenced events, will now have a voice!

Una diferencia con el primer blog, es que este será en idioma libre! Si el tiempo lo permite, habrán posteos bilingües, y si no, serán en castellano o en ingles, según ‘salgan’. Y al igual que en el primer blog, los lectores tienen la libertad de comentar en el idioma de su preferencia.

Vamos entonces!

One difference with my first blog, is that this one will be in ‘free language’! Time-permitting, there will be bilingual postings, and otherwise, they will be in Spanish or English, in whatever way they come to me. Just as the first blog, readers enjoy the freedom to comment in the language of their preference.


Let’s go then!